


Property of Rachel Goranski

by casandraderolo



Series: Property of - [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Depression, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Rich doesn't understand, Rich is just a kid, Rich starts writing these when he's like 9/10, Rich's Mom is trying her best, Rich's dad is an asshole, She loves her kids, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Thomas is forced to grow up too fast, Trans Jeremy Heere, Trans Male Character, Trans Michael Mell, Trans Rich Goranski, dancer rich
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-11 20:47:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11722254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casandraderolo/pseuds/casandraderolo
Summary: Rich starts keeping a diary when he's in fourth grade





	Property of Rachel Goranski

**Author's Note:**

> Ooh boy howdy does a lot go on in this

**_//Cover//_ **

_ Property of Rachel Goranski _

_. _

_. _

_. _

_ March 5th, 2012 / 3:17 pm / Page 1 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

Mom got me this Journal today but I really don't know why? I mean I didn't ask for one and don't really know what to write. So, yeah I guess that's cool.

.

.

_ March 12th, 2012 /  2:30 pm / Page 7 _

 

Dear Someone,

 

I think I might have a crush on this girl in my class.

 

Is that allowed?

 

Am I allowed to have a crush on a girl?

.

.

_ March 20th, 2012 / 2:26 pm / Page 15 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

I have a crush on Sarah.

.

.

_ March 20th, 2012 / 5:37 pm / Page 15 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

Dad said I can't have a crush on Sarah.

.

.

_ March 20th, 2012 / 8:57 pm / Page 15 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

I still have a crush on Sarah

.

_. _

_ Page 27 _

 

♡Sarah Heere♡

.

_. _

_ April 16th, 2012 / 7:53 pm/ Page 32 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

I really want to be friends with Sarah, but her friend, Arianna, scares me. 

It probably doesn't help that she's a lot taller then me.

.

_. _

_ April 30th, 2012 / 12:32 pm / Page 46 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

Crushes suck.

.

.

_ May 6th, 2012 / 3:47 pm / Page 52 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

Thomas said it was okay that I have a crush on a girl.

 

Dad still says I'm not allowed to though.

.

.

_ June 8th, 2012 / 1: 25 pm / Page 85 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

Mom says that we're going on vacation somewhere and I'm not allowed to bring my journal. I'll talk to you when I get back.

.

.

_ September 2nd, 2012 / 2: 50 pm / Page 90 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

Sarah’s friend Arianna moved away last summer. She told me that her mom got a job somewhere in New York, so they had to move. 

 

I'm happy.

 

Well, I'm not happy that Sarah’s best friend moved away, but I'm happy that I can talk to her now.

.

.

_ September 3rd, 2012 / 2:18 pm / Page 91 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

Nevermind.

_. _

_. _

_ September 3rd, 2012 / 2:20 pm / Page 91 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

Jonna has this new friend she met over the summer. 

His name is Micheal and he’s even taller then Arianna. 

I hate that tall people intimidate me.

.

.

_ September 7th, 2012 / 6:58 pm / Page 95 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

Madeline told me today that Micheal was actually Arianna but I don't believe her and neither does Brooke.

.

.

 

**_//Cover//_ **

_ Property of Rachel  _ _ Heere _ _ Goranski _

 

_ January 5th, 2013 / 4:38 pm /  Page 1 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

Sorry it's been so long I ran out of room in my old journal and had to get a new one.

 

I should probably talk about what has happened recently.

 

Fifth Grade is hard.

 

Training for pointe is hard

 

I still have a hopeless crush on Sarah.

 

Im still intimidated by Micheal.

 

I've become okay friends with Brooke.

 

Mom and Dad have been fighting alot and I don't know what to do.

 

Thomas says no to worry but I'm scared.

 

Is it okay to be scared?

.

.

_ February 3rd, 2013 / 2:16 pm / page 4 _

 

Sarah said she liked my dress today.

 

It made me happy.

 

Mom and Dad are fighting more.

 

It's louder now.

 

Thomas seems worried.

 

Should I be worried?

.

.

_ March 7th, 2013 / 12:15 am / Page 5 _

 

Mom and Dad are fighting and I'm scared.

 

I'm hiding in Thomas's closet.

 

He's with me and he's scared to.

 

Why won't it stop.

.

.

_ May 29th, 2013 / 3:47 am / Page 18 _

 

Mom woke us up this morning and said we don't have to go to school for the rest of the year.

 

She also said that we're are going to be staying with Aunt May in New York for a little bit.

 

I'm sad because that means I can't go to any competitions. 

 

Also I won't be able to say goodbye to Sarah.

 

She seemed kind of down recently and i don't really know why.

 

I think something might be going on with her friend Micheal.

.

.

_ June 7th, 2013 / 9:56 am / Page 22 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

Aunt May said I was allowed to have a crush on Sarah.

.

.

_ Page 25 _

 

Am I allowed to have a crush on Sarah?

**Yes: Mom, Thomas, Aunt May**

 

**No: Dad**

**.**

**.**

_ Page 26 _

 

♡Sarah♡

 

Sarah Goranski 

 

Rachel Heere

 

Sarah Heere-Goranski

.

.

_ August 17th, 2013 / 8:19 pm / Page 72 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

We came back home today. Mom said that she and Dad wouldn't fight anymore. 

I don't think Thomas believes her.

I do though, or at least I hope they don't fight, I don't like when they fight.

.

.

_ September 3rd, 2013 / 2:56 pm / Page 81 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

Ms. Monsen said I can have a crush on Sarah.

.

.

_ September 3rd, 2013 / 3:03 pm / Page 25 _

 

Am I allowed to have a crush on Sarah?

**Yes: Mom, Thomas, Aunt May, Ms. Monsen**

 

**No: Dad**

**.**

**.**

_ September 21st, 2013 /  2: 18 pm / Page 89 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

I'm kind of nervous, this is my first recital since we came back.

 

Mom, promised me that she would be there since dad had to work late and Thomas was at some friend's house.

.

.

_ Page 90 _

 

~~**BLOOD** ~~

~~**MOMS DEAD** ~~

.

.

_ September 22rd, 2013 / 6:08 pm / Page 91 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

Mom's gone.

.

.

_ September 22nd, 2013 / 6:10 pm / Page 91 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

Mom said that she and Dad wouldn't fight anymore.

~~ She also said ~~

~~ She also promised ~~

~~ Dad called her ~~

~~ At least she ~~

~~ Her blood is still ~~

She left us in the process.

 

**_//Cover//_ **

Property of Rachel Goranski

_ I love you sweetheart _

 

  * __Mom__



 

 

_ November 2nd, 2013 / 3:56 pm / Page 3 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

Micheal wasn't at school today, but I was too sad to try and talk to Sarah.

 

She saw me sitting alone and sat next to be when she say me crying.

 

How is she so good at comforting people?

.

.

_ November 3rd, 2013 / 1:08 pm / Page 4 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

It's my first competition since mom died.

 

I dont really want to go.

.

.

_ November 28th, 2013 / 3:17 pm / Page 24 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

Dad is drinking again.

 

Thomas hasn't come out of his room all day.

 

I had to make my own dinner again.

 

Happy Thanksgiving.

.

.

_ December 26th, 2013 / 12:01 pm / Page 56 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

Thomas put some money on my dance fund for Christmas.

 

Dad drank again.

 

Dad hit me again.

.

.

_ January 5th, 2014 / 6:19 pm / Page 100 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

This might be the last time I write to you for a while. 

 

Dad said he won't buy me a new Journal until my birthday and Thomas is working to help pay for the rent. 

 

He’s never home anymore.

 

I'm sorry.

 

Be safe, Somebody.

 

I hope I can write to you again.

  
  


**_//Cover//_ **

_ Property of Rachel Goranski _

  
  


_ September 16th, 2014 / 5:10 pm / Page 1 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

Hi! 

 

Sorry it's been so long.

 

I've missed talking to you.

 

I'm twelve now! 

 

But I feel weird.

 

I don't know why the other girls like their boobs so much.

 

Mine make me feel kind of gross.

 

Dad is still drunk.

 

He lost his job.

 

Thomas had to quit school to support us.

 

I never see him anymore.

 

All I see is dad.

 

Punched me yesterday and it left a bruise on my cheek so he covered it up with some of mom's old makeup before I went to school this morning.

 

I know some of the other girls wear makeup. 

 

Is this why they wear it?

.

.

_ September 17th, 2014 /  3:00 pm / Page 2 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

I don't understand anything that's happening and I hate this. Why is it so hard to figure all this out. Why can't I figure out myself, why do I still have a crush on Sarah, why am I so sad all the time, why does dad hit me, why does dad not love me anymore. 

What did I do wrong. 

Why is everything wrong.

Why am I  _ wrong wrong wrong  _ **_wrong._ **

**_._ **

**_._ **

_ November 4th, 2014 / 4:57 am / Page 23 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

I'm so tired, but I can't sleep. 

 

I don't know what to do anymore.

 

Why can't I just figure everything out.

 

Why can't everything go back to the way it was before mom died.

 

Why is everything like this.

 

Is this how mom felt?

.

.

_ December 25th, 2014 / 7:36 pm / Page 47  _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

I'm sorry.

 

I can't do this anymore, everything is so cold.

 

Thomas hasn't been home in three days.

 

Dad has drank through all the beers in the house.

 

We've been out of food for a day now.

 

I haven't eaten anything.

 

Dad's yelling at me to open the door but I don't want to.

 

I'm hiding in the attic behind my closet.

 

I don't think dad remembers that it's here.

 

Please help me somebody.

 

I can't do this anymore.

.

.

_ February 4th, 2015 / 7:54 pm / Page 85  _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

I can't do this anymore.

 

Goodbye Somebody.

 

I'm to tired.

 

Thank you for being such a good friend.

 

I love you Somebody.

 

And you to Thomas.

 

I love you.

 

Goodbye.

.

.

_ May 6th, 2015 / 8:56 pm / Page 86 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

I survived.

 

Thomas found me in the bathroom.

 

He called the police, and told them what happened.

 

Dad was actually sober when he came to visit me.

 

I think I was more because he didn't want to get arrested.

 

He told me he loved me.

 

I cried because I knew it wasn't true.

 

Thomas visited every day.

 

Dad only did that once.

 

I think I might run away.

 

I don't want to deal with him anymore

  
  


**_//Cover//_ **

_ Property of Rachel Goranski _

_ Please try to get better  _

 

  * __Thomas__



 

 

September 11th, 2015 / 3:46 pm / Page 3

 

Dear Somebody,

 

I met someone today.

 

His name is Jake, and he's really cool.

 

He moved here from Chicago which is cool.

 

I don't know why he would move to New Jersey though.

 

He says he's my friend though which is good I guess 

 

It's…. nice to have a friend.

.

.

_ September 29th, 2015 / 6:17 pm / Page 19  _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

I think I figured it out.

.

.

_ September 29th, 2015 / 6:21 pm / Page 19  _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

I think I might be a boy.

.

.

_ September 29th, 2015 / 6:26 pm / Page 19  _

Dear Somebody,

 

I've been doing a lot of research at school and this is what I feel like.

.

.

_ September 29th, 2015 / 6:45 pm / Page 19  _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

Should I tell Thomas?

.

.

_ September 29th, 2015 / 7: 03 pm / Page 19  _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

I'm gonna tell Thomas.

.

.

_ September 30th, 2015 / 12:07 am / Page 20 _

 

Dear Somebody, 

 

I told Thomas.

 

He said that it was fine.

 

He also asked me what my new name is.

 

I didn't know so he's helping me figure it out.

 

He suggested Rich.

 

I like it.

.

.

_ Page 24 _

 

Rich Goranski

 

Richard Goranski

 

Rich

Rich

Rich

Rich

Rich

 

Richard Goranski

.

.

 

// **_Cover//_ **

_ Property of  _ ~~_ Rachel Goranski  _ ~~ **_Richard Goranski_ **

_ Please try to get better  _

 

  * __Thomas__



 

 

_ November 28th, 2015 / 3:56 pm / Page 57 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

I told Jake.

 

He said he didn't care.

.

.

_ November 28th, 2015 / 5:08pm / Page 57 _

 

Dear Somebody,

 

I think I like Jake.

**Author's Note:**

> Thomas is Rich's brother by the way
> 
> Arianna is Micheal if that wasn't clear, and Sarah is Jeremy
> 
> Also there will be another one called "Property of Rich Goranski" so look out for that
> 
> yell at me on tumblr  
> [main](http://callme-jakey.tumblr.com/)   
> [bmc side](https://transjakobdillinger.tumblr.com/)
> 
> **Edit I've changed Jeremy's dead name to Sarah bc it has Hebrew origins


End file.
